Why I'm getting my big fat ass outta here: Part One

Over the weekend, I brought my grandma to see the NDP Preview. Accompanying me was one of my cousins. Older than me by three years, she's pretty settled into the regular adult life here I guess. Got married a coupla years back, job, HDB flat, the works.

Midway through the program, she posed me this question: Why do I hate Singapore? I replied I didn't, then she asked, why was I in such a hurry to leave? I told her the stories about the chocolate milk and the family of geese and the newspaper vending machine. (I've told those stories thousands of times and if you're reading this then I probably have told you too, so I won't be repeating them here.) Judging by the expression on her face, she didn't seem too convinced.

So let me further illustrate another point with a little yarn, a parable, of sorts. This is the story of Sammy the Squirrel.

Sammy the Squirrel lived in a forest called Singalong(Called that because the trees seemed to sing when the breeze came through). It was pretty big, so the Council of Green(the elected representatives of Singalong) divided it into smaller areas called Green Recognized Camps. The Camp that Sammy lived in was called Ponotg Pisar.

Sammy had a job cracking acorns at the factory. For that, every week, Sammy got a sheaf of acorn husks to take home.

This acorn husks, in Singalong, would amount to what we use for money here. It was the product of a technology discovered by a group of squirrels called the Apa. Before its invention, Sammy's ancestors had to lug around whole acorns to the market, which was pretty troublesome. So with acorn husks, it was very convient and of course, the Apa, its inventors, became pretty popular and a lot of them ended up in the Council of Green.

However, Sammy's Representative in the Council was not a Apa member. He was a wise old squirrel called Cahim. Sammy liked him because he made sense. He was liked by Sammy's father and grandfather as well, and that was why he had been the Representative for Ponotg Pisar for a long, long, time. The Apa had tried time and time again to represent Ponotg Pisar, but failed because of the high regard the squirrels there had for Cahim.

Now, every week, before Sammy got his share of acorn husks, The Boss would take half of the pile and set it aside. It was to be given to the Council of Green for miscellaneous stuff, like funding the policesquirrels who kept Sammy and his family safe at night, and creating paths throughout Singalong so that Sammy could get home faster. Sammy was happy with that arrangement.

One day, Sammy had to pull an extra shift as another squirrel had squirrel fever. After the long day, Sammy was looking forward to getting home fast and getting a hot shower and a nice supper before bed. It was dark, but Singalong had firefly posts all over to light the way for squirrels. There was one stretch near Sammy's home that strangely was not lighted and Sammy slipped on something and fell and broke his arm. Fortunately, a kind squirrel nearby heard his cry of pain and brought him to the squirrel doctor.

The next day, Sammy went back to the area where he had his unfortunate mishap. He saw that he had slipped on a glob of walnut paste, a favourite snack of squirrels. He was pretty mad at the inconsiderate squirrel that had dropped it there and just scampered off. But he was also pretty mad that the path was not lighted as, if it was, he could have seen the glob of walnut paste and avoided the fall. To his surprise, that particular path did have firefly posts, but the containers did not have any fireflies inside.

Upset, Sammy went to see Cahim about it. Cahim told him that he did not have the acorn husks to exchange for fireflies anymore. The Apa did not want to give him any. Perturbed, Sammy went looking for the Apa squirrel, whose name was Ceetoo, that had tried to represent Ponotg Pisar at the last Choosing. Ceetoo told Sammy that since Ponotg Pisar was not represented by Ceetoo, the Apa had chosen to use the acorn husks to provide for other Camps that the Apa represented. Sammy was pissed to the point of speechlessness.

Moral of the story: You're free to choose, but make the wrong choice and you'll be punished.

Long Grandfudder story I know. Thanks if you read it all the way through. Just had to get it off my manboobs.

Caveat: The above story is pure fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental and should not be inferred as regarding the story on today's newspaper.

posted by CompulsiveShopper @ 9:30 AM